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Love is that first feeling you get before all the bad stuff get in the way.
25.2.10
I guess all the "love" has already been used up eh?Yesterday, I made a list of things that made my day super incredibly horrible.
#1. My bag is fucking heavy. It's not just frikkin heavy, it's fucking heavy.It's the little things that piss me off. Bitch about me behind my back, not a big problem, but little things like these irritate the hell out of me.
#2. The only reason why I am how I am in school, apparently I'm extremely cheerful happy and high according to my form teacher, is no longer there.
#3. I'm extremely tired.
#4. they didn't put me on frisbee for sports day. They put me on fucking javelin. If I could throw, I don't mind la. But I seriously cannot throw properly to save my life
#5. I had to go for my ex-teacher's, someone I ultimately dislike like there's no tomorrow, class.
One thing I love when I'm, in lack of a better word, emo-ing is that people don't know how to react. I've probably mentioned that a million times before, but it never fails to amuse me. For other people, even close friends, it's quite unnatural for them to see me sitting in a corner just fidgeting with my phone instead of usually yapping the day away, laughing at the lamest things. But ugh, it has been happening more and more recently, and the sense of amusement is wearing off.
So here I am, in the middle of the night, sitting in the dark hallway (it sounds like our hallway is huge, but it really isn't) complaining to a notes app on my phone about what a horrible and cruel world I live in. A couple of readers would probably go, oh shut up and suck it. I'd say that if I saw another loser writing this crap on their blog too, but oh well. We all need to let it out somehow and I never really liked to get personal, so let's feed the mindless trolls of the interwebz instead.
I hate the silence. I hate it with a burning passion. "You say it best when you say nothing at all"? RUBBISH. Got something to say, then say la! Anyway, hahahaha, I didn't mean that kind of silence. I meant the alone kind. I hate travelling without music. I hate taking ages to fall asleep without texting or watching a video. I constantly have to be doing something or else, I'll just be thinking all the time. And I don't like thinking. I have, what you might say, a hyperactive mind. Give it a couple of minutes of silence, it could already formulate at least 5 ways to kill a person I dislike or relive my entire day and figure out every little bit I should and should not have done. And I hate it. It makes me feel like a wimp that I could imagine all these things, but not do it. You know what I mean? If you don't, I've got no other way to put it.
As I lie here, sprawled across the middle of the hallway (it'd be damn funny if I wrote that as highway hahaha), I've already thought of why. At least 7 reasons why I currently hate school. At least 6 reasons why I despise some of my "friends" right now. At least 5 reasons why God would want to do these to me. At least 4 reasons why I should stop going to school. At least 3 reasons why I should be going to school. At least 2 reasons why I shouldn't tell him. Only 1 reason that I should. The last parts probably didn't make sense, but oh well. Hyperactive mind.
Oh well, every cloud has a silver lining.
I just have to look hard for it now.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone